Just so you know, it doesn't matter if the Cleveland Browns spend the first pick of the NFL Draft Thursday night on Josh Allen, Sam Darnold, Josh Rosen, Otto Graham (even though he's been dead for 15 years), Bart Simpson or five dudes picked at random walking around the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
They'll still blow it.
I'm serious, and I don't care they have new general manager John Dorsey, an accomplished NFL personnel guy of 26 years. His teams have produced 19 trips to the playoffs, 11 division titles, three conference titles and two Super Bowl trophies. It's just that neither of those teams played near the Cuyahoga River, which was so polluted during the late 1960s that it caught on fire. Speaking of flames, I won't even mention a former mayor of Cleveland accidentally set his hair ablaze with a blowtorch.
To save time, insert your favorite Cleveland joke here (fill in the blank). Except for LeBron and the time his Cavaliers interrupted the Golden State Warriors dynasty for a moment, northeastern Ohio is jinxed. Just see how the Indians haven't won a World Series since 1948, and they had those powerhouse teams during the 1990s of Jim Thome, Albert Belle and Manny Ramirez. The pre-LeBron Cavaliers? Michael Jordan over Craig Ehlo. And the Cavs already lost LeBron once after The Decision, and they could lose him again following this season with The Decision, Part II.
The Browns? Well, the original Browns suffered in the playoffs with The Interception, The Drive and The Fumble, and then came The Move out of nowhere out of Cleveland to Baltimore along the way to becoming the Ravens.
We're dealing these days with the expansion-team Browns, and since the NFL returned to Cleveland (you know, technically) in 1999, the franchise has featured 28 different starting quarterbacks. TWENTY-EIGHT, and none worth mentioning. Worse, the Browns went 16 consecutive seasons with at least two different starting quarterbacks. Worse than that, the Browns spent the previous 19 years ignoring the following quarterbacks in the NFL Draft, because they thought somebody else was better.
So now we have folks who think one of these guys on Thursday night from potentially the best quarterback class in 35 years (John Elway, Kim Kelly, Dan Marino) will become a least Bernie Kosar or Brian Sipe for the Browns?
Um . . . OK.